Thursday, July 9, 2009

Goodbye, old friend...

I heard it today and didn't want to believe it... my much beloved "pee on a stick" website has closed down.  For three years I checked that site at random times in my life, and it feels like a sad closing of a chapter now that it's gone.  Granted, the info on there was so outdated (tests from 2006?  An HPT that was like 8 steps and took 20 minutes to process?!) Not to mention, over the years I've probably become more of an expert than the site itself.  Yes, when it comes to peeing on things, I've definitely earned an honorary PhD (ha!  PeehD, get it?)  But there was something comforting about visiting that site, like pulling on a warm sweater on the first chilly day of fall.  

The first time I found peeonastick was September 2006 and I had just discovered - much to my shock and amazement - that I was pregnant.  I'll never forget telling David the minute he got home from work - we were both excited but wandering around in a "now what?!" daze.  We had been planning to start "trying" that following month -  but it seems we didn't need to do any actual trying.  I remember going to the grocery store together that evening to pick up stuff for dinner and leaving with pizza bagels (which neither of us eats) and Twizzlers (which we both eat, but not usually as the cornerstone of a meal).  We were just awestruck by how our lives were about to change and feeling like we needed to start preparing for a new baby NOW.   

Over the next few days, something nagged at me... something told me that things weren't quite right, and thus an obsession was born.  I snatched  HPT's off the shelves of CVS and Target like we were headed for nuclear winter and pregnancy tests were the one thing that would see us safely through.  First I drank gallons of water, then I denied myself water in the hopes of "more concentrated pee," I scientifically monitored how dark my urine was at each trip to the bathroom.  And all the while, I watched as those two hopeful pink lines dwindled away into one sad, solitary beacon of what was to come.  I pored over photos on peeonastick and read her FAQ's so many times that I can recite them by heart.  She promised that fading lines can - but DON'T ALWAYS - indicate miscarriage.  I lost that pregnancy around 6 weeks - I didn't even realize I was pregnant until 5 weeks so really, it was over as soon as it started.  

But not all was lost - something was born during that week... an insatiable addiction to POAS, HPTs, FMU, TTC and BFPs... and in David and I, we became parents that week.  From the moment we learned we were expecting, everything changed for us.  Our focus shifted from ourselves to this life that we wanted so badly to create.  And ultimately, that chapter of our journey ended with Matthew.  

So peeonastick Meg, wherever you are... thanks :).    But if I go over and find out that is closed too, I may just have to cry!


  1. I agree!!! Great memories, yet sad memories too!!

  2. I am so glad that you started a blog. You are such a talented writer. This post was great! I can't wait to see what the future has in store.